Journey to Bizarro World

By Dave Apostolico

The exploding popularity of no limit hold ‘em tournaments continues to amaze me. Within a five minute drive of my house (located outside of Philadelphia), there are at least a dozen restaurants/bars that hold weekly tournaments. These tournaments are freerolls offering a variety of prizes. Ten years ago this would have been nirvana for me. Now, the idea of playing in a smoky bar with a bunch of drunks for the chance to win a gift certificate or tee shirt has zero appeal to me.

One of my neighbors who is just starting out in poker has been playing some of these tournaments on a regular basis so I decided to meet up with him one night to see first hand just how bad or worthwhile these tournaments may be. We went to a restaurant about a mile from our neighborhood that has a weekly Wednesday night tournament. Registration is at 7 pm and fills up quickly. So we met there at 6:30 to make sure we got in. Sure enough by 6:45 pm the line was already formed. The tournament would be limited to 70 players and by 7:15 there was already an alternate list. I was impressed with the enthusiasm. The tournament would not start until 8 pm, so we got a bite to eat. Obviously, the reason places like this hold these tournaments is to bring in customers so I was happy to patronize.

I was also surprised to find out that there would be a first place cash prize of $200. Second place would get a tee shirt and that would be the extent of the prizes. Each player would start with $2000 in chips with blinds at $25-$50 and levels at 30 minutes each. This seemed like a fairly decent structure for a freeroll. There were seven tables with poker tops on them and everyone had composite chips and new cards. Two decks per table and you deal your own. So far, I was impressed. From a purely economical point of view, it would still not make any sense for me to play. Even if I was to win, $200 for an entire night of poker is not a good use of my time. Plus, no matter how bad the play was, there are no guarantees in poker. Even a blind squirrel will occasionally find the nuts. However, I was here to have a good time and to see how good or bad the play would be. I was half expecting the worst and half hoping for some good play.

I found my table and sat down a few minutes before 8 pm. One lady had already been there for quite some time and had been stacking, counting and re-stacking her chips. Maybe she would be a ringer. Everyone else soon sat down and right at 8 o’clock sharp, the cards were in the air. The first hand just about everyone limped in. Loose and passive. I had Q-J suited (spades) in late position and decided to limp in as well until I could get a real feel for the game. The flop came 5-7-9 all diamonds. One player bet out $100 and there were two callers. I folded. The turn brought a blank and again the same player bet out (this time $200) and there were two more callers. The river brought the 10 of diamonds and the same original player bet out. This time he bet $500. One player folded and the lady who first sat down called. The first player proudly turned over his J-8 (neither was a diamond) for a straight and began to scoop the pot. The lady turned over the 6-8 of diamonds for a straight flush. She had flopped the stone cold nuts. However, it appeared that she had no idea if she had won or lost the hand. (So much for her being a ringer.) A couple of players quickly pointed out that she had a flush. I pointed out that she actually had a straight flush. Everyone looked at me like I had two heads and then looked back at the board. After what seemed like a few minutes, this obnoxious guy at the table pointed out (in a manner that was meant to convey that he would be the final voice on all matters at this table) that the lady did indeed have a straight flush. I could tell that this was going to be a long night.

Since it appeared that there were quite a few regulars at the table, I decided to keep a low profile and not intercede unless absolutely necessary. It soon became apparent that I had entered some sort of alternative poker universe. Players were calling off their chips with low pair or ace high. And this was on the river! Everyone seemed to be having an extremely difficult time reading the board. After a showdown, more often than not I had to explain who won the hand and why. For instance, one player could not understand why his pocket sixes were no good with a final board of Q-Q-8-10-10. He was convinced his hand was better than his opponent’s A-4.

My plan for keeping a low profile was becoming more and more difficult. I had to pick and choose what to correct. I chose to ignore string bets and raises below the minimum. However, I had to introduce the concept of a side pot. Apparently, they had been playing that a short stacked player who was all-in was eligible for the entire pot. On the other hand, I chose to ignore the obnoxious player’s habit of shorting the pot. If it was $200 to him, he would somehow manage to only put in $100. I could not ignore, however, his attempt to cheat me.

For the most part, I played tight as I was more interested in observing. Plus, whenever I had a hand, I was sure to get plenty of action. Well, after a few hours of play, the lady without a clue and Mr. Obnoxious were the clear chip leaders at the table. Mr. Obnoxious was winning due to his cheating ways and the lady without a clue was calling down every other hand and winning most of them. It was impossible to put her on a hand since she had no idea herself what she had. The only time she knew what she had is when she had a set against my straight. Of course, she thought her set was good -- which set off a few minute discussion before Mr. Obnoxious in his infinite wisdom “declared” me the winner.

Then the following hand came up. I was in the big blind and Mr. Obnoxious was in the small blind. The lady without a clue and Mr. Obnoxious called, I checked my blind and we saw a flop three handed. I had 5-6 and the flop came 4-8-J rainbow giving me a gutshot straight draw. Mr. Obnoxious checked, I checked and the Lady without a clue checked. Then Mr. Obnoxious bet. Huh? That’s right. He bet once he knew that we were both going to check. Of course, I objected but he insisted he never checked. So I folded, the lady without a clue called and wouldn’t you know it? The 7 rolled off the turn which would have completed my gutshot. Mr. Obnoxious continued to bet heavy and the lady without a clue continued to call. I would have won a huge pot. Even though I was there to observe, my competitive juices took over at this point. It was on. I took off my journalist had and put on my poker hat.

Either Mr. Obnoxious was gone or I was gone. Since I had position on him I waited for my next playable hand. A short while later, he open raised for about 5 times the big blind. I found K-K and raised enough to hopefully isolate him and keep him in the pot. Well, the player behind me re-raises all-in. Mr. Obnoxious calls and shorts the pot. I call as well but this time I point out Mr. Obnoxious’ short comings. He gets real snotty but fortunately the other player saw it as well. I stayed calm and just said let’s count the pot and see. Apparently this was something that never occurred to Mr. Obnoxious as he quickly became twitchy and decided on his own that he put in the wrong color chip by mistake.

Just as I hoped, Mr. Obnoxious turns over K-8 off suit although the other player had pocket rockets. I was drawing extremely thin and never improved. I was happy to give my chips to the other player, though. And as I special parting gift, I informed the table that Mr. Obnoxious had been shorting the pot all night.

This article was published at an earlier date on PokerPages.com and is being rerun due to popular demand.

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