THE WINNING EDGE

Waitley's Four Ways to Win

by Dana Smith

"Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy: you usually get what you actively expect," says former astronaut turned psychologist Denis Waitley in his audio-cassette series, The Psychology of Winning. Is Waitley a poker player? Maybe not. Is he a winner? Definitely yes: He is one of the world's premier motivational speakers, a pioneer in self-help audiotapes, and a highly successful business. Waitley knows how to win -- here are four tips you can use at the poker table (and anywhere else) to increase both your profit and your pleasure.

(1) Positive Self-Expectancy. When you expect the best from yourself, you are preparing both your mind and your body for the "demands of winning." The demands of winning? Yes, winning has its own set of requirements. Some of them are:

(a) Waking up happy. Happy equals optimistic, and optimism is a trait of all winners.

(b) Using positive self-talk all the time. Ever talk to yourself at the poker table? Ever say things such as, "I'm a stupid idiot! Why did I call that bet on the river? I knew he had me beat." Instead, Waitley we should be saying, "I made a error, sure ... but next time, I'll do better."

(c) Looking at problems as opportunities. A problem is often an opportunity in disguise ... a signal that it is time to make a creative change in your life.

Waitley suggests making a list of your biggest problems, the ones that block your professional or personal fulfillment (or your poker profits). Write a succinct definition of the problem, and then rewrite it as though it were an opportunity. For example, "I've lost one-half my bankroll in three days" may be your problem statement (though let's hope not). Rephrasing it as an opportunity, it reads, "I now have the chance, the challenge, to develop my survival skills by playing a better brand of poker." The solution? Write it as though you are giving advice to a friend: "Three things you can do to stop your losing cycle are ..." You should always be your own best friend.

(2) Positive Self-Motivation is the second winning way of Waitley. Two opposite thought patterns battle against each other on the green felt of our poker minds: desire and fear. "Motivation is an inside job," says Waitley. "Fear is destructive, while desire leads to achievement, success and happiness." We too often focus on fear rather than striving for success. However, it is natural for people to move toward the positive and away from the negative, Waitley says. We can overcome our fears of failure by concentrating on what we want rather than on what we don't want. He gives this example of a winner's self-talk: "I want to! I can do it!" But the loser says, "I have to. I can't."

He further asserts that can applies to 90 percent of the challenges we encounter, if we focus our energy on achieving our objectives and forget about the consequences of failure. "You usually get what you think of most," he says. Make a list of five of your most important desires, and write the payoff you expect to get when you achieve each of them. Look at your list everyday, saying "I want to. I can." The bottom line is this: the way you talk to yourself is the key to self-motivation.

(3) Positive Self-Direction. Winners set goals, make plans to achieve them, and then just do it. "The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or consider them as believable or achievable," warns Waitley. Winners achieve through goal-setting and action-planning; losers fail by default. In other words, know what you want and be willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

To determine what you really want, ask yourself a few questions: What is my most important lifetime goal? Where do I want to be a year from today? What is my most important priority next month? What can I do today to achieve what I want, and how much am I willing to do to get it?

(4) Positive Self-Control. The degree to which you see yourself, rather than external forces, as controlling your fate determines how you react to the ups and downs of life's success ladder. The Winner says, "I take the credit or the blame for my performance." The Loser says, "I can't understand why life (or the dealer?) did this to me." Waitley suggests answering these questions to appraise your attitudes toward who or what pulls your strings: Am I a lucky or an unlucky person? What are the controlling influences in my world right now? What should I do to control what happens to me?

"Nearly everything in life is volitional. Each of us have many more choices and alternatives than we are willing to consider," says Waitley. He suggests setting aside a specific block of time each week during which you initiate actions to increase your personal control over your life: make phone calls, write letters, reach out to people who can help you achieve your goals. "Don't wait for invitations to success or you'll go into the Losers Hall of Fame as one of those 'almost-made-its' with permanent potential," he says.

You can use Waitley's tips to win at any of life's games: business, relationships, health, poker.

When you say to yourself, "If it's to be, it's up to me," you have The Winning Edge..