Player's Stories

The Big Fat Greek Poker Game.
By Dave Hench
(All Rights Reserved)

Most towns have at least one notoriously loose and wild poker game. In Lexington, it was the "Greek Game." I never actually rated an invitation to it - my reputation might have preceded me a little too much - but I heard stories. Unbelievable stories of monster pots, all-in check raise moves with no win, drawing dead to idiot straights with flushes and full houses already on the board, playing in the dark from the kitchen while cooking one of those preposterous Greek dishes, etc. It was all true. I knew guys making a killing in the game. There was no rake, no time - money growing on trees - and a feast provided at no charge. It might have been the juiciest game in the history of the South.

A conglomeration of gypsy-types, Greeks, and other assorted imports frequented the game, along with a few local millionaire businessmen. Come to think of it now, looking back, maybe that's why they never invited me. Not only was I not a Greek or a millionaire, I was pure anglo and didn't have a quarter.

Now not to make a stereotypical comment, but it seemed like the incidence of stone cold suckers might have been a little higher than the norm in the Greek/gypsy culture. Greeks will gamble and everybody knows it, there's no sense trying to be politically correct about it. Aristotle Onassis bet an oil tanker against a row boat one time, Nick the Greek burned up money like it was kindling, Telly Savalas blew off tons of lollipops, and Archie Karras won the Horseshoe Hotel and then lost it back - just to name a few. And those were their good players.

Anyway, over at the other games in town, we used to joke around about the Greek Game, since they wouldn't let most of us in. "Can't one of them play a lick, can't even spell poker," we'd say. It was tearing us up to sit around knocking heads with each other, knowing what kind of gambling was going on across town at their game. So we made fun of them. But the joke was on us because out of the ranks of the Greek Game came one of the south's best players. He was a swarthy gypsy named "Wraparound Vic," whose game was so preposterous and idiosyncratic it took us ten years to realize he wasn't a sucker. By that time he had gone from rags to riches, and no one could believe it. Everybody just thought he was the luckiest man to ever pull up a chair; that no human could catch cards like that repeatedly. We had a standing joke that he was 800 years old and had sold his soul to the devil in return for his phenomenal poker luck.

We had all known him back in his lean years, when he was known for such moves as playing $50 Nassaus on the links without $150 to his name. "You don't need it if you can putt," he explained. But then he spent 10 years in the wilderness, so to speak, mostly roaming around as a busted-out sucker, and then one day showed back up as the nuts. He spent most of those lost years studying eastern philosophies, psychic phenomenon, mysticism, numerologies, new age crap and the like - and I'll be damned if he didn't come back a new man. When he started talking about Kundalini experiences, tantras, Vidya Guptas, and Chaka Puja rituals I'd just change seats - thinking he was touched. But crazy men don't win at Omaha, and he just kept winning.

No one could beat the new Vic at poker, gin, or golf. At some point we had to start giving him credit. But it was hard to, because once you've got a guy pegged as a sucker, it's hard to think otherwise. It was particularly hard in this case because Wraparound was a stone cold sucker for years. I think he'd admit that even himself. But then he spent that 10 years or so "in the wilderness" studying all that mystical stuff, and when he came back he knew the truth. Damndest thing I've ever seen. How strong is he? Sweating his wizardry in action, more than one seasoned observer wondered aloud if Wraparound Vic had studied the games at Hogwarts Academy. That's how strong.

Somewhere along the line, though, he must have mixed in some Marquis de Sade in his studies. His kinky, groupie, teenage girlfriends like to never quit dialing his cellular number. He took calls continuously at the table, and set the Guinness Book record for most time "walking" with a held seat. Most of that time, he was out in the parking lot talking dirty on the telephone. He'd always deny it, so one time I snuck up on him and taped him. I caught him red-handed. It was the kinkiest kind of stuff I've ever heard, and enough to embarrass a patty wagon full of streetwalkers. I blackmailed a few thousand off of him on that deal, threatening to expose him for the freak that he is. I'll tell you, George Washington never paid up any quicker than Wraparound Vic did when I played him the tape back. He's supposed to be a respectable realtor in town, so he can't afford to have his kinky personal business put on the street. That was a good deal for me. I got back some of those chips he had outdrew me on over the years with that shakedown. It's all in a days work; a man has to take the edge wherever he can get it in this gamblin' life. I still save one copy of that tape as an ace in the hole, in case I ever go busted again.

There was a vicious rumor that Wraparound Vic was spotted coming out of a hotel room one weekend wearing red panty hose and high heels. That's a hell of an accusation, but nobody was surprised to hear it. Everybody made it about even money to be true, and Vic was the only guy in the world who didn't think it was hilarious. It got back to Vic's boss - no kidding - who called Vic in on the carpet over it. I would have paid a years salary to be a fly on the wall in that meeting. Vic escaped with his job, but it took him years to crack a smile whenever the subject came up.

But the moral of the story, if you're looking for one, is "Once a sucker, not (necessarily) always a sucker." And that's an important moral because it's tough to learn it, and until you do, it'll cost you some chips. It cost everybody in Kentucky a bunch when Wraparound Vic came back from his walkabout an educated, erudite man - instead of a rank sucker he was so affectionately known to be.

The Greek Poker Game; who would have thought it could have produced such insights into poker truth? Not me. Not when we used to sit around and make fun of how horrendously bad they played. But they sent their revenge out on the world in the form of Wraparound Vic. He could outdraw any man alive, but when he had the nuts, they held up every time. It was a Greek thing, a gypsy thing, a voodoo thing - a Faustian thing. He sold his soul to the devil, and in exchange, he caught any card he wanted. There'll be hell to pay in the end, but I've never seen a guy have so much fun belly laughing while he's catching those hands. That's right, when he beats you a pot he'll laugh like a hyena at your misfortune. But if he loses one, he'll tell bad beat stories about it for a year. We've always joked that if he ever started catching just average, he'd kill himself within a week. But it'll never happen. He cut that deal with the devil and I know it: His soul for the deck.

"Wraparound" summed him up pretty good, all in all. He showed his true colors in this Omaha hand I played with him once. I flopped the top set and the nut flush draw and bet right out and, I'll never forget this, he was over there holding his hand up showing everybody what a monster duke he had that I was betting into! And me with the double nuts. I knew right then what he had. There was no doubt he had the wraparound straight draw because I had everything else. Don't worry, he made his little sawed off straight on the river, dodging about 50% of the deck that would have left him drawing dead with his supposed "monster hand." After he belly laughed me for a while, he said "What did you have, Cinch?" He said it kind of like "What were you doing in my pot, anyway?" He's never seen a wraparound he didn't like. If he ever started missing those hands, he'd jump off the Stratosphere Tower I tell you. I hope you can open those windows up in Stupak's old joint, because I'd hate to see Wraparound Vic get shut out on that one!