Poker Articles

Poker: How It Was, How It Is, & How It Should Be...
By Oklahoma Johnny

Part Three: How It Should Be

Motherhood, apple pie, Chevrolet, the American Dream, Horatio Alger, the Midas touch, and of course to be twenty again... These are just a few of the things that come to mind when I think of how I wish it could be.

All the great quotes and all the greatest books ever written are put together from all the letters and characters of all the alphabets that the world has ever known, so there is really nothing new to say. It's only rearranged in the mind and on paper.

In this trilogy, I rearranged letters and words to tell you a little bit about How It Was and How It Is. Since writing it, however, I've thought of much more that I'd like to add here and there, so if you'll allow me, I'll revisit those topics from time to time. If you the reader would like to hear more about How It Was or How It Is, please let me know and I'll write more. But now, here's what you've been waiting for, How It Should Be...

First, I wish we could all be equal. But I know that if we divided everything up equally on Monday, those that worked the longest and hardest and used their heads would have more than the ones who did not by Saturday, so equal we can never be. Let's forget that one.

Next, I wish we could all stay forever young. But then I think of the old German who said, "We get too soon old and too late smart," and I realize that being young and stupid is not as good as being old and smart. So let's scratch that one.

It would be nice to win all the time, to make all the hands I attempted and to never lose. But one of the definitions of Hell is when everything is always the same, and if I won all the time there would be no game. I like to play, so let's scratch that one, too.

Next, I think about the seasons. It would be nice if spring lasted all year round, but then we'd have no harvest because the crops couldn't grow, and there would be very little for us to eat, so away with that. Summer would be nice, but some of us with skin problems couldn't go out in the sun. It's also hot and we'd have to run the air conditioner all the time, which runs up the electric bill. In autumn there are those who have hay fever, and winter is too cold. We'd need heat, so there goes the electric bill again. I guess we had best just keep the four seasons rolling around so each of us can have what we want part of the time.

I wish my car would start every time and that I could find my car keys and glasses. I wish all the pretty girls would walk a little slower as they pass. I wish that when I visit Europe, I could find a restaurant that served bread and buttermilk. I'd also like the IRS to mail me a thank you letter for all the checks I send them, but then I'd be afraid to open the letter for fear of another audit, so forget that one.

But let's talk about poker, which is why you tuned in in the first place. This is the way I wish it could be in poker...

1. All the dealers would be girls. Let the boys get a real job.
   
   
2. The floor person who takes your name down for a seat would not take a toke from another player and put them in ahead of you.
   
   
3. All poker tournaments and poker rooms would be non-smoking, like the Seniors World Championship of Poker, or the cardrooms would at least offer non-smoking rooms for the non-smoking players.
   
   
4. The cardroom would have a sweeper clean up a mess as soon as it is made.
   
   
5. The cardroom would destroy damaged cards rather than putting them back into play in a lower limit game.
   
   
6. When the game is short-handed, the dealer would automatically reduce the rake.
   
   
7. When the cardroom gets too cold late at night, the cardroom manager would, if not on the first request, at least on the second request, adjust the room temperature and not just pretend to do so.
   
   
8. The cardrooms would raise the rake and pay the dealers a commensurate salary, and as such, tokes would be reserved for outstanding service or friendliness, or to insure promptness.
   
   
9. The cardrooms would stop giving comps and let us pay for our own food.
   
   
10. The cardroom should realize that they have a privilege license and that they charge us huge amounts of money to keep the games pure. They should have the courage and desire to earn this large amount of money by going to a court of law to prove that a player was guilty of cheating or disturbing the game before they have the player barred from their cardroom and attempting to have the player barred from other cardrooms. This is not fair and is contrary to the American system of justice. All players should take a stand against this dictatorial treatment of the players by the casino.
    
    
11. All the rules of poker would be standardized so that we get the same ruling any day of the week at any time of the day. They charge us $50 to over $100 per hour to supervise the games, so they should earn their money. They owe this to the players.
    
    
12. The card tables would not be crowded. Each player should have adequate room, and small stud tables should not be used for a ten-handed hold 'em game.
    
    
13. The cardrooms would not permit a dealer to play any casino games during his shift.
    
    
14. The cardrooms would be required to provide good ventilation and proper lighting.
    
    
15. The cardrooms would be required to furnish good cards, and the chips would be cleaned and sterilized at least once each month.
    
    
16. The players would be required to dress properly and refrain from the use of foul language.
    
    

Until next time, stay lucky.