Funny stuff?
By Vince Burgio

I thought I might use this column to pass on some of the things that have happened in the last few months that may be funny or at least slightly amusing.

The first of these things happened last year at the Orleans Open. It occurred one day during the tournament. While playing I happened to look up at one of the Television sets and noticed that they were showing women's beach volleyball. As I watched I actually stood up and exclaimed, in a very loud voice, "Wow!" A couple guys at the table asked, "What's the Wow for?" I said look at the television. All I can say is that my fellow poker players all knew what I meant by "Wow." The girls playing were wearing, well, let me just say, they weren't wearing much. They were all, simply put, great looking females. They were jumping up and down, diving after balls and put bluntly just great to watch. By this time the whole table, which happened to consist of all males, were all staring at the Television. Then out of nowhere one of the poker players at the table , asked "What's the Score?" I looked at the other guys at the table and we all burst into laughter. Finally after a few seconds I blurted out all I could think of to say, which was, "What's the Score." "What's the Score, Who the hell cares."

In late October I flew from my home in Los Angeles to Oakland Calif. I was invited up to the Lucky Chances Casino, by my friend Matt Savage. Matt has since his humble beginnings risen to fame and fortune by running this years World Series of Poker. On my plane ride up to Oakland I happened to be sitting next to an elderly lady who began telling me how she was flying to Oakland to see her daughter and grandchildren, she said she was frightened of the trip since the events of September eleventh, but the trip had been planned for some time and she decided to take it in spite of her fears.

Also on the same flight there were about fifty of so Oakland Raider fans. Now if you know anything about Raider fans, I don't have to go on, if you don't let me just say they wouldn't pass for choir boys, They look and act scary.

The Raiders were playing a Monday nite game in Oakland and these old L.A. Raider fans, still loyal to the Raiders after their move back to Oakland were flying up to support their team. Within a half hour the noise level had increased; the Oakland fans were drinking and having a good time. They were not being abusive to anyone in any way they were just getting into it.

All of sudden the notion occurred to me, and I thought "I wish, I actually wish five terrorists with box cutters would try to hijack "this" airplane." I don't know where the box cutters would have ended up but I'm pretty sure the hijackers would not have liked their final resting place. It was at this point that I commented to elderly lady sitting next to me that whatever fears she had of terrorists or hijackers she could relax, there would be nobody taking over this plane, except those nice young men "the Oakland Raider fans." All of sudden we both started laughing, I told her the more I thought about it the more I thought we really don't need sky marshals all we need is more Raider fans. Got Bless Al Davis and the Oakland.

The last item was given to me by Jack Fox. I frequently share my stuff before I submit it with Jack. The stories from above I sent to him and his reply was favorable plus he added a cute story of his own. Here in his own words was what he gave me.

"Vince, your story about the men at the poker table watching the female athletes reminded me of an incident that happened at one of the Casinos on the strip in the early 90's. I was playing in a game late at night, as I was stuck real good. The game was shorthanded and well, you know ... the other players were also stuck pretty good as the winners had picked up and quit much earlier. A typical 3 A.M. game. Anyway, I get up to go to the restroom and decide to visit my room, upstairs in the hotel. I needed the stretch. On the way back to the poker room, as I'm walking past the piano bar, I see the most striking woman I have ever seen ... a real beauty. She smiles at my direction and I look around to see who she is looking at. No one else around. I can't believe my good fortune. We start talking. Close up she is a ten, a real stunner. After about two minutes she mentions that she is ready to go upstairs with me. She's a hooker! Just, great.

Deflated, I walk back to the game and sit down. I share my story with the three guys at the table. Naturally, they all immediately pick up from the game to go meet her. I busted up my own game."

For What it's Worth