Home Poker

Fish
By Squeege

Yep. You know what I'm talking about. From the one who plays so tight, he spends half the time watching everybody else play, to the one who reads so much like a book, you'd might as well deal him his hand face-up, to the one who just doesn't have a clue. Yep. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about fish.

Fish. Losers. Jobbers. The profitably challenged. These folks couldn't turn a buck with a crane. They'd be better off, karma-wise, giving their money to charity instead of into my greasy hands.

But, the more obvious problem is what to do when there's a fish at your table. How do you deal with this player?

When the proverbial chips are down, he's out of coin, and keeps going back to the well (or House) for more, where do you draw the line at his losses? Or, do you at all?

When everybody is required to call their own hand, and the fish thinks a full house is where the Olson twins live, what kind of sympathy do you provide? Or, do you at all? When everybody is getting antse to keep things moving nicely, how do you speed him along?

First of all, let it be said that fish are not bad people. They are also not all dumb people. Some of them are just not poker players. In fact, some of them are not even card players, or gamers at all. Obviously, they'll get no sympathy in a cardroom, but at our table, which boasts of being friendlier, it's what-to-do with the fish.

My first piece of advice would be to ensure that no fish are invited to the game. A fish who walks in a cardroom is a masochist, so let him do what he wants. But, home games are invite-only, which lets you keep the fish out. This is my personal joy in playing poker...to put together a table of select players. But, it isn't likely that you tell your friend that he's not welcome.

So, what I do is tell my fishy friend that he's more than welcome, but stands to lose whatever he intends to pull out of his wallet. To me, poker isn't a game that could ever have beginner's luck. Beginner's luck works in games where what you're dealt is the only asset you have. In poker, the fish would have to know how to sell a hand of blanks. So, the fish will probably lose his money, but you do him a service by telling him that beforehand.

The best thing to do is play some dummy-hands beforehand. Alot of them. And, before the crew shows up to play for real.

Adapted from HomePoker.com