Player's Stories

Poker God Visits MARGE
By Ed Barrett

I pawed at the snooze button on my bedside clock/radio, then realized it was the phone ringing. Before I could re-orient my thinking, the answering machine took over.

"Meet me at 11:15 sharp…Luby's Cafeteria, I10 and Wurzbach.

I looked at the clock. It was 5:15 AM, Tuesday morning.. It was Poker God. I'd just gotten home from MARGE on the previous evening and was catching up on some much needed sleep. I wrapped a pillow around my head but my mind was on maximum alert and I knew that I'd had all the sleep I was going to get on this night. Why was he calling me in the middle of the night? Luby's at 11:15? I didn't even know that Poker God ate.

I pulled into Luby's parking lot at exactly 11:10 and went inside to look for Poker God before going through the food line. 11:14 and I hadn't spotted him. Then out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a sleazy looking character in the far corner of the smoking area waiving in my direction. I walked slowly toward the man, continuing to look for Poker God as I advanced.

"Over here, Barrett!" the disheveled man said. It was then that I saw the silver earring in the shape of a miniature poker chip in his left ear.

"Poker God?" I took a seat at his table.

"Don't say a word, Barrett. And you'd better have a good explanation for your performance at MARGE."

I sat silent and motionless, trying to suppress a laugh at the appearance of Poker God.

"It's something I have to do…once every twenty years, sort of a humility test that The Man has drawn up for all the Under Gods."

"Under Gods?" I put a hand over my mouth and held my breath. It came out as a snort more than a laugh; I just couldn't hold it back.

"OK…OK. I'll give you that one. It is sort of ridiculous. I got the clothes from a street person in return for a blessing, and the greasy food…it's all part of the pact. Now let's get down to business." Poker God folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. He was back in charge.

"I picked up my son, Rich at the international airport in Houston on Tuesday and we drove to Covington, La. The following morning we drove into Biloxi."

"Skip the petty stuff, Barrett. Let's get on with the poker content!"

The first day wasn't bad. "I picked up $180 in a 1-4-8-8 hold'em game." I said.

"And the satellites?"

He knew all this. But this was our 49th visit and I knew the procedure. I try to soft pedal my bad runs and Poker God picks me apart.

"OK. I lost two satellites, but I was still ahead for the day."

"And the Omaha/8?"

"About even. I was still up a few bucks for the day."

Poker God took a pad from his shirt pocket. "Says here that you lost $70 in the Omaha/8 game."

"Well… I wasn't keeping an exact count. I had to leave abruptly for the Smoker at Aunt Jenny's Catfish restaurant."

"Good catfish?"

"Excellent. Hand fed. And the rest of the meal was just as good.

"Hand feeding the catfish…makes them taste better?"

I didn't have a clue, but I expect they were happy fish while they were alive.

"Alright…back to the real stuff. What about the 10-20 hold'em. Isn't that your game?

I was trying to avoid the inevitable but I knew it would come up sooner or later.

"My cards were horrible…and the suck outs! It wasn't a good day."

"OK. I'll grant that you were getting the short end of the luck, but did you ever think of leaving the game before you'd dropped $600?"

I had, but didn't. Part of my game that needs some work. I changed the subject.

"But I recovered $170 in the C-HORSE game."

"Minor miracle. C-HORSE has been your nemesis at all these events."

And it would be again. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Rich and I went to the buffet and then back to the poker room for the first scheduled MARGE tournament; stud/8.

"Stud/8," Poker God said. "That's the game you've been beating on the internet on a regular basis.

He was right. I've been averaging better than one final table a week in multi-table tournaments. But my cards were bad and when I did win it was a split pot. I spent two hours laboring between $800 and $1800 before I finally busted out. I sighed. "It just wasn't my night, Poker God."

"So you gave it up for the night and went back to the 10-20 hold'em on Friday morning."

I cringed. "Yes…another $185 down the drain." I didn't give Poker God a chance to respond. "But then I entered The Grand's noon Hold'em Tournament."

Poker God smiled. "OK, Barrett. Let's hear the good part of your trip."

I blurted it all out at once. "$5 entry, no rebuys, $50 add-on, final table, chip leader, split the top 5 places and took down $1400!"

"111 entries and you were chip leader. Not bad. And your son Rich was there in the top five, also. Your day in the sun so to speak. You and Rich have done this before?

"Five final tables together. It was my moment to gloat, but Poker God cut in.

"The raise with 5-5 was marginal what with the bets being so high."

"But it worked. And it created an aggressive image when I showed it down."

"And on the very next hand you did it again with 9-9. Really had it going there, Barrett. Weren't you afraid that you'd get called?"

"Don Perry thought long and hard, but then folded. Don and I have been friends for 10 years…he knows my game."

"Friends?"

"Well…actually we met for the first time on Wednesday, but we'd been playing on the internet together for over 10 years."

"Old friends, huh?"

"Yes. Some players you meet on the internet and form a bond with. Others you don't. I knew Don would live up to my favorable impressions of him."

"So. You finished in first place, or at least got the highest split along with a local player."

"Right. And five of the final nine in the tournament were MARGER's. Len Forsythe was in the top five, and Joan Hadley made the money. We had 18 MARGER's entered out of the field of 111." I was anxious to continue on with the rest of my day, but Poker God interrupted.

"And after the tournament you went to your room for a nap to get ready for the TOC style tournament?"

"Not exactly. Bernie Collack and I went to the buffet and discussed the world's problems until about 30 minutes before the tournament started."

"Didn't we talk last year about getting rest before a tournament?

We had. And if I hadn't been on such a high, I might have. But there was only an hour between the local tournament and the MARGE TOC so I didn't really have much of a chance to rest.

"OK. You didn't really have much time. You must have known this would affect your play in the evening."

I smiled. "Another final table. Two in one day."

"But you made one big mistake. Tell me about it."

"Final table. Down to 8 players when Bob Alonzo pushes his remaining $6,000 forward for an all in bet."

"You had KQ off suit?"

"Yes."

"And you called him. Is Bob a loose player. What did you think he was holding?"

I wanted to take the one Mulligan that Poker God allows me on each visit, but I took a deep breath and continued. "I put Bob on Ace-face or a big pair."

"Whoa…every one of those hands had you beat. How did you know he had a superior hand?"

"Bob and I play together in a home game on a regular basis."

"Tight player?"

"I've already told you what hands he'd normally raise with."

Poker God shook his head. "And he showed you AJ."

"Well, I'd been playing for 12 hours straight. I guess I wasn't concentrating."

"Everything considered, you did alright. But you should have finished higher than 8th place.

I agreed with Poker God.

"Saturday. No limit hold'em. Not a great performance. I spotted at least three questionable plays on your part."

"You're probably talking about my two all in raises with AA." I said.

"There was a small raise in each of these hands before you went all in, but you might have slowed it down a little and picked up a little more action."

Hindsight. But he was right. I was at a very strong table and I was trying to avoid traps. John Averill, Lou Krieger, Eric Rosenthal and two-time defending MARGE no limit winner, Adam Bachrach were all ready to pounce. These weren't my worst plays, though. I tried to move on to another subject, but Poker God held his hand up to stop me.

Another sigh. "OK. I had AJ in the big blind and Eric did a small raise from the small blind. I called and looked at a flop of AJ x. Eric bet $400 and I came over the top again, all in."

"Can you say trap?" Poker God was being facetious.

I knew it was a bad play the moment I made it, but laid is played, and I couldn't get my chips back. Eric folded and I got a nice pot, but it might have been bigger if I had slow played my hand.

Poker God took out his pad again. "I still have you with a nice profit. What happened next? How did you end up even and having to pay for the hotel room out of your own pocket?"

"C-HORSE." I didn't want to talk about it.

"Talk," Poker God said.

"OK. I stayed too long at a game that was running bad. Two ADB'rs, Jerrod and Chris from California, who were really nice guys, and Michelle from Massachusetts were having a great time. I was simmering and not concentrating on the game. Janie Kate McIntosh kept me company while I was blowing through another stack.

Poker God sighed. "I should make you write, 'I stayed too long in a game that was running bad' 1,000 times. But seeing as how you did make 2 final tables, I'll let it pass. You know what you have to do to improve your performance."

I did. And I'll work on it.

"Summary time." Poker God picked up a greasy pork chop with his hand and took a huge bite, letting the grease run down his chin. "Part of the humility thing," he said.

"The staff at The Grand, Bruce, John, Cinsare, Toni, Treva, and of course, Tony Collins, amongst others, are the best."

Poker God put his pork chop down. "What about the room?"

"It's among the best rooms in the country. Friendly employees and players, free food available around the clock, food comps, and well-run games. You couldn't ask for more."

"You'll be back next year?"

"Without a doubt. Maybe they'll give awards for perfect attendance.

"Gold stars, maybe." Poker God shoved his lemon meringue pie in my direction and also the check. "I don't carry money," he said as he pushed his chair back and left the table. I'd survived another Poker God debriefing and perhaps learned a little from the experience.