Player's Stories

Verbal Abuse at the Poker Table
By Simon Galloway

Undoubtedly the last word on this subject is to deprive your opponents of their chips. Whatever is said to you by bad sports, "oh, and thanks for the money!" will always suffice as a retort.

The Cricket-playing nations have coined the phrase "sledging." This is the art of attempting to combine verbal aggression and wit in an attempt to throw your opponent off their game. My favourite is:

Player 1:"You need to cut 3 inches off that bat"

Player 2:"Why, will it help my game?"

Player 1: "No, but it will then fit in that rubbish bin behind you!"

You get the idea!

At the poker table, does this help you or not? Below, a case for and against the use of "sledging" at the poker table.

FOR

• There's always room for humour, right? Even after the worst beat imaginable, a quick-fire one-liner is usually funny. It doesn't actually matter that you are on the receiving end on this occasion, because as sure as night follows day, you will have the chance in the future to inflict the same one-liner on the next player to suffer such a misfortune. In fact, a laugh may help you come to terms with the ridiculous occurrence that was your bad beat.

• When that chance arises, there is a reasonable possibility that the new recipient won't take it as well as you did and the jibe will cause them to go on tilt until the player and their bank-roll parts company.

• Ever stepped in to a game and observed that there are more signs of life in the local cemetery? Everyone playing like his or her mortgage depended on it in total silence. A couple of gags can help break the ice and relax the atmosphere, loose calls around the table in no time…maybe!

• Otherwise solid players may now attempt to take you and the laws of probability on in an attempt to shut you up by gaining the upper hand with you heads-up. Of course, with the laws of probability on your side and your opponent not getting the required odds from the pot to chase his draws, you will eventually walk away the victor.

• Ever felt like you are the second-best player at the table? "If only I could get seat 3 out, it would be harvest time, but he has position on me most of the time and is ruining my plays…" Of course, you could change seats so that you act after him on future hands, or you could hound him out of the game by making him the butt of your jokes.

• The proof of the pudding is in the eating! Amarillo Slim seems to have done OK for himself by getting under his opponent's skin. According to the report on PokerPages, Scotty Nguyen had some success winding up Phil Hellmuth heads-up too.

AGAINST

• Your gag will often get 8 laughs, but it will also get you 1 victim who is now playing a tighter game because he wants to beat you as revenge.

• Your victim may actually beat you! If not at the table, then afterwards in the lobby! In a public cardroom, you have no idea who you are dealing with and it's probably best not to make the gags too personally or too close to the bone. On the other hand, if it's your weekly game, then let them have both barrels!

• Sensitive souls take objection if you have the audacity to check-raise them, never mind taunt them about their unfortunate choice of Hawaiian shirt!

• Others around the table start to tighten up a little, as they don't want to be your next victim following some poor play. And you haven't even started on them yet! You may find that you are up against a master of repartee and you end up on the receiving end. He who lives by the sword…. Anyway, at least that would improve your own array of gags for next time.

So, some arguments for and against sledging at the poker table. I can't help favouring the use of it in a controlled manner - whether you play for a living or a pastime, you will surely enjoy your session all the more for the injection of humour.

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