You Know You're Running Bad When...
From a thread on rec.gambling.poker

• The last thing you hear is, "His 6 plays, Sir." -- SYeates485

• You are down three racks, and have no bad beat stories to tell. -- John Cervanyk

• You raise under the gun and it's a family pot. -- John Cervanyk

• The board is four to a straight flush, and you bet your top pair top kicker. -- John Cervanyk

• At the river, players start taking turns guessing your hole cards, and they're right 99% of the time. -- John Cervanyk

• On every bet, the other players first look to see if you are in or not. -- John Cervanyk

• The guy next to you keeps telling you where the ATM is. -- John Cervanyk

• You start to straddle under the gun because it might be lucky. -- John Cervanyk

• You order a cheese sandwich at $1.10, and by the time the waitress brings it, you can't pay for it. -- Gary Carson

• When there is a waiting list for the table you're playing at, and the list goes with you when you change tables. -- Gunmetal

• When you would ask for a seat change whenever a seat opens up (any seat is better than the one you're already in). -- Gunmetal

• When you ask the dealer to change the deck every other hand. -- Gunmetal

• When you ask for a new setup every third hand. -- Gunmetal

• When you steal your kid's lucky rabbit's foot to "protect" your cards. -- Gunmetal

• When you start cussing out someone for calling your pre-flop raise with JQ (suited)... -- Gunmetal

• When you start to wear a hockey goalie's mask to hide your tells. -- Gunmetal

• Sir, you turned over your cards, and there is still another card to flop. -- Art Santella

• Did I fall asleep? -- Art Santella

• I really don't give a damn anymore, just deal. -- Art Santella

• What did he beat me with? -- Art Santella

• Can I borrow another $500 from you, dealer? -- Art Santella

• When you leave the table to go to the bathroom and you look back, and see the dealer and all the players with their feet up on the table, reading the newspapers and waiting for you to get back. -- Art Santella

• You leave a full table to cash out the few chips you have left after 6 hours and see the game break as you are walking toward the door. -- Ken Kubey

• You call two bets cold with K-9 offsuit. -- Ken Kubey

• You win a hand playing 5-3 offsuit in early position and the guy next to you checks your pulse. -- Ken Kubey

• The only things you say all night are "Nice hand," "Well played," and "Chips!!" -- Ken Kubey

• You promise the Omaha-8 dealer a $2 tip if you win any part of a pot and then have to give him $2 after the next hand when you get 1/6th of the pot with the nut low. -- Ken Kubey

• You try a check-raise bluff on the river for the first time in a week and get re-raised. You fold and then the re-raiser shows you a bluffing hand that was even worse than yours. -- Ken Kubey

• When you have a big stack of chips and you hear several players say, "At least the money is in the right hands." -- Richard Farver

• The nice little old lady with the big pile of (your) chips in front of her inquires if you play here often. -- Linda Sherman

• Nobody seems to mind if you get a peek at their hole cards. -- Linda Sherman

• The DEALER tells you how he would have played your hand. -- Linda Sherman

• People keep asking you what you do for a living. -- Linda Sherman

• You stand up to split from a table solid with players, the board has a long waiting list. You gather your few remaining chips and in one voice you hear, "You're not leaving are you? You're gonna break up the game." -- Smokie

• You start thinking that you should limit your play to Wilson software. -- Ashley

• You start tipping in quarters to save money. -- Ashley

• You eye the 1-3 game to see if there are any bad players over there. -- Ashley

• You eye the slot machines because you know the house edge is only 7%. -- Ashley

• You actually think about playing to YOUR left to take advantage of bad loose play. -- Ashley

• You start to wish for a heavy smoker to sit down next to you so you can have a good excuse to leave with some dignity intact. -- Ashley

• Your mind wanders and you start thinking about what a wonderful game HEARTS can be. -- Ashley

• You catch a fifth diamond on sixth street, raise and reraise an obvious straight held by an awful player. Bet and raise and reraise on the River and announce, finally and loudly, FLUSH only to see that you have only four diamonds and a heart. -- Ashley

• You're thinking: "OK as soon as I'm only down $500 I'm going home." -- Ashley

• The people who were in the game with you yesterday are playing again, and when you enter the room they all say, "Hey, seat open!!" -- Llew

• You raise on the river, get called by 2 players, turn over your hand and say, "Straight flush! Oh, no it's not..." -- Llew